My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
