happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
