It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
try to milk me bitch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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