Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
