I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
