i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
