Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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