Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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