What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
