my being single is dangerous.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
