i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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