Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
is that a dick in a sweater?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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