i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
