can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
