i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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