Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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