I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
