3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
