He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
