I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
