Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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