i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
