Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
