You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
