I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
