OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
