she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
