so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
