One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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