now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
