Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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