Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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