you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
