I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
