you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
