I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
