God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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