Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
