remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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