it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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