And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
