i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
