no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
