I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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