drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize