I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
