hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
