the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
