So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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