I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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