Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
