his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
